Mystery Creates History

"IS ANYTHING TOO MARVELOUS FOR THE LORD TO DO?" – Gen 18:14

A Conversation About Carmel (1 of 14)

More than one classmate said to me, “I do not understand how anyone could enter Carmel.” In response, I said, “It is easy to understand. Why wouldn't God call a handful of people—out of everyone in the world—to live for Him alone? He created everyone. Why would He not choose a few of them to spend their entire lives in prayer, in total surrender to Him, to adore, love, suffer, serve, and belong completely to Him?”

At the time, I worked as waitress in school to earn a little money. As I was carrying the dishes into the kitchen, suddenly a shocking question came from within me: if you understand Carmel so well, why don’t you enter Carmel? I promply replied: this is one fool who will not rush in where angels fear to tread. And “rush in” I did not. Yet, God used that question to awaken me.

Of all the adventures in my life (and there were many), Jesus was the One most deeply rooted. Still, I never thought He would want me to be a nun, much less a hermit. I had very different desires for my life and I prayed with unconditional confidence that God would fulfill those desires.

Early on, I knew the heartbreak and sorrow of His Cross; my friendship with Christ became my hidden anchor. My greatest, youthful adventure was going to Mass, Holy Communion and Confession. I felt His peace and quiet joy before dawn, walking alone to Mass with the moonlight glistening on the snow. As the years sped by, I did not want to miss my daily adventure of meeting Jesus in Mass and Holy Communion. Generally speaking—with a bit of exaggeration—during college, I spent the first two years playing and the second two years praying. Jesus drew me irresistibly to Himself through the celebration of the Eucharist, through prayer with Him in the Blessed Sacrament, and through praying the rosary.

Only when you give all, does God give all. In The Way of Perfection, St. Teresa of Jesus says “God does not give Himself wholly to us until He sees we are giving ourselves wholly to Him.” When you strive to give God every desire, as well as your will and judgment in order to receive Jesus Christ and His Gospel, you are ready to begin the climb up Mount Carmel. And so, it happened with me.

As truly “dying” as the initial decision was, it was only just the beginning! For me, entering Carmel on September 15, 1949 meant becoming a Hermit in community. Amid the avalanche of temptations and repugnancies—coming from my own great need for deeper conversion and inner healing—that attacked me, I never had a halfway decent temptation to quit. No matter what, I had an undeniable knowing that God was calling me to Carmel.

Jesus was and is my Way, my Truth, and my Life. The challenges of the climb up Mount Carmel brought real peace, His peace, as well as His strength, His joy, Himself.

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